noun, often attributive
\ ˈhāt \
Definition of hate
1a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
see also HATE CRIME
Source: Merriam-Webster This blog has been sitting 'in' me for years. I've been toying with it, editing it in my head and it had just not taken enough shape for me to actually sit down and transfer it onto virtual paper.
Until now. And now, the whole blog has taken on a somewhat different life, meaning and shape. And that is allowed because it is my blog, HAHA!
Those of you who know me, might have noticed that I never use the word 'hate'.
And if you haven't noticed me not saying it, you will start to notice that now. You're welcome.
The only instance the word will cross my lips is when I am paraphrasing.
I am not claiming that I never ever said it. Not at all, but about 12 years ago I made the conscious effort to eliminate it from my vocabulary and it actually wasn't that hard.
The trigger was a co-worker. She HATED e.v.e.r.y-thing!
The flavour of the silver Nespresso coffee capsules.
The way her polo untucked from her pants.
The way people couldn't pronounce her name.
Cats. Oysters. And the list went on.
The energy, it felt so heavy! Eeeuuuurrrgh! On the other hand..it made me think. And I like it when things make me think and make me reflect.
One day as she went off again and I looked at her and asked: "Do you really hate that?"
"Well yes, I can't stand it!"
"I would love to know how you express yourself when you really hate something..." and I walked away.
And that was the moment I vowed not to utter this word again.
And I have been pretty successful at doing so.
Ok, you might wonder, what's the big deal?
Is it a big deal? Nah, probably not, if you throw it out once in a blue moon.
But how often do we not speak to ourselves that way?
How often have we not looked in the mirror, hating what we see?
Or a part of what we see? Or that in which we have failed?
Or that which we have done..or not done?
Maybe our lack of perseverance...our lack of standing up for ourselves?
The mistakes we've made?!
Things we've fucked up?!
Our bodies failing us?!
I'll let you fill in the dotted lines right there.
By the way, all this I am naming above is because I've lived all of those thoughts, feelings, doubts and more.
I find that hatred is only becoming more and more tangible in the current climate, there is Covid-19, there is racial divide, political unrest and to me it weighs like a heavy suffocating blanket.
Now let's say, you read this, and you think, "well, it doesn't really affect me" or "I can't do anything about it!" bear with me and carry on reading.
When I treat or coach my clients and I catch them uttering the word hate, which by now feels like a slap in the face with a wet cloth, I gently bring it to their attention.
Whether it is when I am doing Myofascial Release Therapy or BodyMind Coaching or the two combined which is amazing by the way!
I ask my clients to rephrase the word hate and replace it with the task of recognizing themself in that moment. What is the underlying message and how can they move away from the heaviness and shift to something more gentle and useful.
Believe it or not, this leads to big insights and breakthroughs.
Imagine hating your body for not cooperating, which is why you come for therapy in the first place.
The moment you voice that, or actually even think that, your body's energy becomes blocked and your fascia (the connective tissue, which is what I work with as an MFR therapist) will most likely not cooperate. As soon as you feel under the sentiment you can get somewhere deeper. If you can give it a gentler voice then you can give it a place and purpose.
I ask my clients to actually thank their body for pointing out which part needed attention. Now hate is rephrased and the fascial system can soften.
The same with coaching.
Hating yourself for whatever reason, is an instant and definite block. Asking yourself to feel into this sentiment and hear what the true message is, is HUGE!
What would it do for you and your surroundings if you made the conscious effort as of now to rephrase hate? If you found a different, softer way to express yourself? If your sentiments matched the incident or situation or thing...?
I hope I have made you think.
I know there is a lot to hurt over right now.
I invite you to be creative with your wording.
I invite you to be gentle with yourself.
Debby is a BodyMind Coach with a background in Myofascial Release Therapy.
Her gift is guiding people back onto their path, no matter how much they seem to have veered off it! She loves going on that journey with people and is the perfect co-pilot!
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